…and it doesn’t have to be! (5 minute read)
Let’s face it, this year has been a rollercoaster of a year, to put it mildly! It seems that no one is having a ‘great’ time, well nobody that I’ve come across anyway. Same storm but there’s no denying that we are all in different boats.
Not only are we in the midst of a global pandemic but there is an obvious butterfly effect too. Now we’re into Lockdown 2.0 which feels different to the last one but I wonder if I am the only one that feels like their head is falling off?
As a friend so aptly put on her timeline, “So over covid.” It made me laugh and cry at the same time. Seriously. I could almost hear her saying it and I can relate to it! And yes, I’ve done a lot of crying too.
Why am I writing this post, you might wonder. I needed to do something. To speak up and say that I’m not having a great time and to be more open about it. Some days, I struggle and I know I’m not the only one. Some might say it’s complaining. Perhaps sometimes, it is but I’m human and try to keep this to a minimum but I’m also being honest.
Life to me is about harmony not balance. “Be grateful” “Count your blessings”. I say these things and agree with them but some days…No. Some days I think, not today. I will sit with the uncomfortable feelings and that is ok to do for a while. To allow them to pass through and for me to glean whatever lesson or nugget of wisdom there is to learn. If there’s any lesson to learn at all.
One thing I’ve learned in the new “abnormal” and throughout other times of my life that have been challenging for a number of reasons is that stifling feelings and pushing them down is only ever a temporary fix. The body keeps score and somehow the stress, trauma, whatever it is will need to be dealt with at some stage. ALWAYS.
I find it difficult to say, I’m struggling. It’s the ego of course. Perhaps, I don’t want to be seen as weak or out of control. The truth is I don’t believe I’m weak but I do worry about what others might think when I’m feeling at a low ebb. Honestly, yes. I’m working on this but being kind to myself whilst I do.
It seems that many others are feeling the same but not openly sharing it. I get it. I do but my keeping quiet isn’t helping. I’ve recently taken to answering the queston ” How are you?” more honestly and succintly of late. Sometimes my answer is met with a wall of silence. Sometimes, it’s met with a surprise or “Why didn’t you say?” There are a multitude of reasons for this.
In my private Tropic skincare group we are having a self care focus this month. One of the daily tasks is to celebrate a success no matter how big or small. This year has been a nightmare and my regular work well, so many obstacles some actual obstacles, (some perceived obstacles due to my mental health) have stopped me from working at full capacity. We really can only control the controllables so let’s focus on that and I’ve managed to find these small treasures and writing them down helps.
I am taking away the positives from this year and leaving the negatives and the bad stuff to their own devices. I choose to no longer feed anymore of my precious energy into unnecessary anxiety and focus my life force on the good stuff. I have to remind myself this daily. With this in mind, I have a plan. It has taken me months to come to terms with things as they are and stop resisting the uncomfortable changes and to begin embracing some the things that bring my fears and insecurities to the surface. I’m still learning to allow the other things to fall away. It takes practice. One good thing is that as I continue on this path, light is being shed on who I truly am and my path and purpose. It’s a continual working out but this time things are going deeper hence the discomfort!
A part of my plan is moving my body ENOUGH for me. I have a little more room physically in my home and mentally too so I’m going to start some pop up fitness classes building up to a regular timetable. They are for anyone who wants to intentionally look after their body and mind. They slot in perfectly with other fitness classes and focus on restorative and strengthening movement without the high impact. I’ve had to stop looking at what everyone else is doing. It’s distracting and causes overwhelm keeping me ‘stuck’.
I’ll leave things there for today but hopefully this will spark some conversations with you and yours. I plan to talk more about this and I’ll share the things that have helped me.
This year has taught me so much about my place in the world and where I stand in the midst of a global pandemic, undigested grief, Black lives matter, misogyny, parenting, true health and the deeper work of intentional self care. Everything basically.
I didn’t post this for a long time because I felt a bit of a fraud. Someone once said to me (I cannot remember who but it stuck with me) “If everyone sat in a circle and threw their own problems into the centre and saw everyone elses, more than likely they’d want to snatch their own back” There’s truth in that. There as so many people struggling in their own way but I also have a voice and have learned that it’s ok to speak up and that other people’s opinion of me isn’t my business. It’s Ok not to feel Ok. In all of this, every experience good, bad or ugly it’s proof I’m alive. This means that there is always hope. For that I’m truly grateful. I’ll continue to look for silver linings, practice gratitude but I’ll also say “Today I feel sad” if needs must!
Here are few links and instagram accounts that you might find useful. There are loads more of course. some of them have been a life line and kept me going at times.
Instagram accounts to follow
Here are my links too. Classes will be posted in due course. https://linktr.ee/Simojo
Love, peace, light and strength to you.